Entry 2: T-minus 1 week and counting

With next week being week 10 or 11 by our guess, we have officially booked our doctors appointment. Choosing the right OBGYN was a long process involving research, reviews and overall feedback from some friends and family (obviously as a "in the event we are pregnant who would you recommend").

We have settled on one and everything is set for the initial appointment. This is becoming much more real extremely quickly. Also, I'm again assaulted by so many thoughts, mostly when I'm alone or trying to sleep. DAMN YOU THOUGHTS ABOUT BABIES. Feels like my whole world is upside down, but in a good way

Erica has also asked me to be more involved in the research process, so she doesn't feel she is alone in this. I keep playing the distant card all in hopes that this surprise is worth it.

I've done several bits of research. Listening to podcasts, reading wiki articles and news journals. Even hitting Youtube pretty hard in the wee hours of the night. I try and avoid anything too traumatic and worrying, I want to put out as much positive energy focused on happy and healthy babies.

I guess I'll find out next week how things are going and whether we have anything to even worry about.

Until next time my super-secret journal...

Entry 1: Letter to my Fiancé

This is Erica, my ADORABLE Fiancé

"Yes dear, I will be writing in my journal". This is the well-placed white lie I told her. My fiancé is a huge planner and advocate of being 5 steps ahead of the game. 

In case you haven't been able to guess by the name of the blog or the URL, she's pregnant. This will be our first child and after what seems like an eternity of trying (nearly a year) we finally got the good news. It was an exciting and tear filled afternoon. 

Erica wanted us to start a diary or journal on how we feel throughout the entire ordeal. The idea is to present it to our child/children (we were shooting for twins) when they come of age. It is meant to be something of a tale of the journey and our first foray in to parenthood. 

I have been intentionally difficult in this regard. I am not good at putting pen to paper and writing my feelings. I'm a marketer by nature, which means I'm a fan of spinning a story in person. So how do I keep her happy, while also not driving myself insane with writing my "feelings"? I write a super secret blog and give it to her in a few months, when I'm ready. That sounds like a plan, right? It allows me to be creative with things like images and graphs, while also spinning that tale. 

Now on to the important questions....How am I feeling?

To be completely blunt, I have been washed over by a floor of emotions. Happy, worried, paranoid, ecstatic. Inside I'm a real mess. What if something happens during the pregnancy? What if it's a false alarm? Will I be a good dad? It's a scary step, but I move forward hopeful for the future. There has literally never been a single challenge Erica and I haven't been able to tackle. 

I look forward to regular updates and using this as my way of passing my emotions through an initial internal proofing process. 

Until next time super-secret journal...